Awkward conversations with your kid

Or, trying to figure out how to ask your kids questions without leading them on.

 

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We went to a fall festival last Thursday.  I always laugh at these things because it’s really a Halloween carnival, but because they don’t want to offend anyone we’ve renamed it fall festival.  But, my kids got stickers and candy there, and immediately upon getting home they set to work using up every single thing they got there.

 

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They happily sat there and drew and put stickers on for a good long time, and were explaining to me all about what their pictures were.

 

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Superman proudly explained to me that his picture was a party for a bunch of kids who had died, and the people were having fun there.

 

Ummmm, what?  So, I tried carefully asking about this without sounding like a slightly freaked out Mom and without leading his answers.  Because it is so easy to do that.

 

 

After much explaining and questioning he explained it was a party like we did for Uncle Sam where we watched Star Wars and talked about how much we liked Uncle Sam.  And it’s like the party we had for Mr. Pat and talked about all the things we like about him.

 

Okay, I’m understanding this better.  So, I know many Christians aren’t all that fond of Halloween because of it’s ties to ghosts and scary things, and what not.  But, for me in this house, it’s brought up many conversations that we needed to have.

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Meanwhile back at the ranch, a phrase which here means while the boys were busy drawing they’re pictures; Princess was drawing her own set of pictures.

 

She took her mini notebook pad she’d gotten, which was all of 2 inches square, and drew a little picture on each page, and took it out and put it in her current “special box to carry things around in.”

 

Then she came and sat down next to me and said, “Mommy, these are pictures for people who are feeling sad about Uncle Sam and Mr. Pat.  Are you feeling sad about them?”

 

“Yes Wendy I am,” I answered.  Then she reached in her box and pulled out a picture and handed it to me.

 

“This is about Uncle Sam, he liked Star Wars,”  and she reached in and pulled out another picture.  “This is about Mr. Pat, Mimi and Noco are sad because he died.  Do you think they would like this picture?”

 

These conversations are so precious to me, they’re also very hard for me.  Sometimes after or during them I just want to go somewhere and cry for a very long time.  But, I know this is how they’re working through it all.  They need to talk it through, and so that’s what we’re doing.

 

Slowly, but surely we’re talking through it all.

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12 thoughts on “Awkward conversations with your kid

  1. I am sorry that everyone in your family had so much experience with death last year. It's interesting how they are processing it through art and making up stories. Princess sounds like a very empathic kid who wants to make others feel better. It's a wonderful gift to have.

  2. Conversations and openness are definitely what has helped me heal in the past (grandparents, friend).

    I'm amazed at how little is spoken of Derek's brother who died unexpectedly two weeks before we were married.

  3. These conversations are so sweet. As hard as it is, I think it's wonderful that they want to talk (and create art) through this.

    On another note, we had a Fall Dance at C's school Friday night. It was silly because everyone went in costumes and they gave out trick or treating bags at the end of the night. Just call it what it is – a Halloween dance. We are all so afraid of offending each other these days.

  4. They will always find a way to process things in their own time. You did a fabulous job of talking to ther about it all. I probably would have been a mess.

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