Two Dollar Bill

When I was a kid my Great Grandma and Grandpa would send me a $2 bill each year for my birthday. I have kept every single one of them, so I remember them. Well, yesterday my Mom forwarded me this, and it cracked me up.

Everyone should start carrying $2 bills! I am STILL laughing!! I think we need to quit saving our $2 bills and bring them out in public. The younger generation doesn’t even know they exist.

STORY:

On my way home from work, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my billfold are a $50 bill and a $2 bill.

I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to

worry about anyone getting irritated at me for trying to break a $50 bill.

Me: ‘Hi, I’d like one seven-layer burrito please, to go.’

Server: ‘That’ll be $1.04. Eat in?’

Me: ‘No, it’s to go.’ At this point, I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny.

Server: ‘Uh, hang on a sec, I’ll be right back.’

He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within my earshot. The following conversation occurs between the two of them:

Server: ‘Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?’

Manager : ‘No. A what?’

Server: ‘A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me..’

Manager: ‘Ask for something else. There’s no such thing as a $2 bill.’

Server: ‘Yeah, thought so.’ He comes back to me and says, ‘We don’t take these. Do you have anything else?’

Me : ‘Just this fifty. You don’t take $2 bills? Why?’

Server: ‘I don’t know.’

Me: ‘See here where it says legal tender?’

Server: ‘Yeah.’

Me: ‘So, why won’t you take it?’

Server: ‘Well, hang on a sec.’

He goes back to his manager, who has been watching me like I’m a shoplifter, and says to

him, ‘He says I have to take it..’

Manager: ‘Doesn’t he have anything else?’

Server: ‘Yeah, a fifty. I’ll get it and you can open the safe and get change

Manager: ‘I’m not opening the safe with him in here.’

Server: ‘What should I do?’

Manager: ‘Tell him to come back later when he has real money.’

Server : ‘I can’t tell him that! You tell him.’

Manager: ‘Just tell him.’

Server: ‘No way! This is weird. I’m going in back.

The manager approaches me and says, ‘I’m sorry, but we don’t take big bills this time of night.’

Me: ‘It’s only seven o’clock! Well then, here’s a two dollar bill.’

Manager: ‘We don’t take those, either.’

Me: ‘Why not?’

Manager: ‘I think you know why.’

Me: ‘No really, tell me why.’

Manager : ‘Please leave before I call mall security.’

Me: ‘Excuse me?’

Manager: ‘Please leave before I call mall security.’

Me: ‘What on earth for?’

Manager: ‘Please, sir.’

Me: ‘Uh, go ahead, call them.’

Manager: ‘Would you please just leave?’

Me: ‘No.’

Manager: ‘Fine — have it your way then.’

Me: ‘Hey, that’s Burger King, isn’t it?’

At this point, he backs away from me and calls mall security on the phone around the corner.

I have two people staring at me from the dining area, and I begin laughing out loud, just for effect. A few minutes later this 45-year-oldish guy comes in.

Guard: ‘Yeah, Mike, what’s up?’

Manager (whispering): ‘This guy is trying to give me some
(pause) funny money..’

Guard: ‘No kidding! What?’

Manager: ‘Get this. A two dollar bill.’

Guard (incredulous): ‘Why would a guy fake a two dollar bill?’

Manager: ‘I don’t know. He’s kinda weird. He says the only other thing he has is a fifty.’

Guard: ‘Oh, so the fifty’s fake!’

Manager: ‘No, the two dollar bill is.’

Guard: ‘Why would he fake a two dollar bill?’

Manager : ‘I don’t know! Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?’

Guard: ‘Yeah.’

Security Guard walks over to me and……

Guard: ‘Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you’re trying to use.’

Me: ‘Uh, no.’

Guard: ‘Lemme see ’em.’

Me: ‘Why?’

Guard: ‘Do you want me to get the cops in here?’

At this point I am ready to say, ‘ Sure, please!’ but I want to eat, so I say , ‘I’m just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this two dollar bill.

I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I’m taking a swing at him.. He takes the bill, turns it over a few times in his hands, and he says, ‘Hey, Mike, what’s wrong with this bill?’

Manager: ‘It’s fake.’

Guard: ‘It doesn’t look fake to me.’

Manager: ‘But it’s a two dollar bill.’

Guard: ‘Yeah? ‘

Manager: ‘Well, there’s no such thing, is there?’

The security guard and I both look at him like he’s an idiot, and it dawns on the guy that he has no clue and is an idiot …

So, it turns out that my burrito was free, and he threw in a small drink and some of those cinnamon thingies, too.

Made me want to get a whole stack of two dollar bills just to see what happens when I try to buy stuff. If I got the right group of people, I could probably end up in jail. You get free food there, too.

I can so see this happenning, and I think I would be the one insisting they took it just because I am that stubborn.

5 thoughts on “Two Dollar Bill

  1. A friend of mine gave me a $2 bill just for fun when I moved to CA from NJ, and I carried it for years in my wallet for luck. Unfortunately, my wallet was grabbed when I was visiting Israel last time, and so my lucky bill is gone. I am still really sad about losing it – I haven't seen any $2 bills since.

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